CRIBS: Buzz Williams edition

All photos of Chez Williams come from the online listing.

During my time with FOX Sports Wisconsin, one of the most read/shared stories was a scoop by the Green Bay beat writer that Greg Jennings’ house was listed for sale. We were the first outlet to link to the listing and put up a shiny gallery, perfect fodder for he “is he leaving he Packers” storyline that was all the rage.

Sure the situation with Buzz was no scoop, as he’s been a Hokie for over a month now, but when I came across this Tweet below, I knew exactly what to do.

Anyone want to buy Buzz’s house? It can be yours for a cool $2.35 million http://t.co/M3j2wbrflG

— Brian Baranowski (@BBaranowski) April 30, 2014

Before we get into he nitty gritty, let’s lay a basic foundation. 1) No, this isn’t a hard hitting news story. 2) Yes, I wish that I was successful enough at life to own a house like this. 3) Don’t worry, I am “over” Buzz leaving for another school. I saw an item that interested me online and wanted to share it with a bigger audience. No one is being harmed in the making of this production and all info was publicly available.

Good, now that we got the formalities out of the way, it’s time to enjoy the show.

To the right are the basic box score stats. My first reaction upon clicking the link, before seeing any of the pictures in the gallery, is that the property taxes alone on this baby are more than I made all of last year. I repeat, I couldn’t even afford this house even if Buzz was so impressed with the amazing work done here at Paint Touches, that he decided he didn’t require any monetary compensation and gave me the keys to his former castle.

The rest of the data is pretty typical McMansion stuff. You know, just 7 bedrooms, 9 toilets, a heated 4 car garage and an expansive 3 acre lot.

The most interesting feature from all this, though is that it was only completed in 2010, the infamous year where he proclaimed he would stay as long as MU had him. You don’t spend that kind of money on a new house like this if you are planning to use it as a pit stop to the south. Of course, just one year later, Buzz had his bags packed for Oklahoma and was ready to call in the moving trucks. Strange doesn’t begin to describe it.

Overall, this house doesn’t quite vibe with his aw shucks, humble persona, but personally, I have no problem with it. He had the means to provide comfort for his family and did so. He still gave plenty of time and money to charitable pursuits. So don’t take any of the following digs as sleights to him personally.

His tastes, on the other hand… Yikes. Let’s go to the film.

Nice Drapes…

I’m all for school spirit and whatnot, but even the Golden Eagle would have to cringe at some of these color schemes. The blue and gold drapes give it a nice 1970s feel, but that couch. Are we certain Buzz never used the same pattern for one of his suit coats? My goodness, that design is not easy on the eyes.

No Brewers Love?

I’m a sucker for stadium sating in the TV/Movie area, but my biggest beef here lies more with the frame in the back. That’s clearly the customized jersey given to the person throwing out the ceremonial first pitch at the Brewers game, and judging by the number, it happened in 2008. No one says he has to be a Brewers fan now that he’s not in Milwaukee, I’m the furthest thing from it, but it’s kind of rude to leave gifts like these behind, particularly with these pics going up online for the listing.

Nice fan

I dig the indoor grill. Like more than Augustus Gloop digs rivers of chocolate. There’s nothing better than a charred strip steak with a bit of homemade pico and some juicy grilled onions. If you told me I could do that in February when there’s 10 inches of snow on the ground without catching pneumonia??  I can’t hate that. However, I’m not quite seeing the purpose of that fireplace. There are a few more in the house, why would I need one directly adjacent to my beautiful grill?

Ultimate home bar? I think so

Even the staunchest Buzz hating MU fan has to stand up and whistle right about now. This is the bar dreams are made of.

That’s not regulation

This has to be heaven is like, right? Yes, the dimensions are badly shrunken, but when your childhood balling was marred by 6 months of nasty weather, the things you would do to have your personal indoor basketball court aren’t suitable for publication. Then you have the subtle touches like the two-tone wood, the regulation NCAA 3-point arc, and blue and gold decor. Mercy.

Yo couch…

I’d like to think the games of H-O-R-S-E I played were so intense they required elevated seating for onlookers, but frankly, this might be a bit much.

Is that a Lonestar?

Buzz to Texas.